A Scary Clown Story

Part 1

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I know what you’re thinking: That you haven’t heard of a Killer Clown sighting in at least 6 months. That, yes, maybe that Anderson child was indeed dragged off by such a demon but, well, that was two whole years ago and anyway the kid had it coming. That Killer Clowns are so 2017 and…

People, this is no time for complacency. Killer Clowns are everywhere, and not just in high office. Scary Killer Clowns. Streaming in HD through your cerebral cortex, down your spine and into your muscle tissue.  Killer Clowns tap-tap-tapping on your window pane…

Do you know the difference between a Scary Clown and a Killer Clown?

Well, there’s not any.

Nada.

None whatsoever.

A Scary Clown is just a Killer Clown that didn’t catch you this time. Next time you might not be so lucky. Then it’ll be Game Over.

In general, you know a clown is bad when he's hanging out in a place where clowns have absolutely no business being. It is therefore important to have a clear sense of where and where not clowns should be. Interstate rest-stops are a perfect example of how confusing this can be.

Most people seeing a Killer Clown at an interstate rest-stop might suspect that this clown is up to no good. But do they stop to see it from the Clown's side? No. Were they to engage in this shift in perspective, they would see that the Clown was simply taking a leak after hours of lurking in the nearby forest, laying in ambush for the vulnerable and hapless. Killer Clowns are much too smart to ruin their reputations at Interstate Rest Stops, which they need to carry on with normal procedures.

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In general, clowns lurking near the entrance to underground passages are best avoided, as are clowns found sleeping in abandoned farmhouses. Blood dripping from a clown's mouth is usually a reliable sign that the clown is not a vegetarian.

Just as no one among us is entirely safe from Killer Clowns, each of us can and must learn proper self-defense.  

That’s why you need Blues for a Buddha, which is Shampoo for the Mind because Maybe Your Brain needs a little Washing.

In the Meantime, it’s never too early to start shopping for Valentine’s Day!

Peace & Love!

 

(To be Continued)